were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
