My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
