my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
