Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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