Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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