So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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