Don't you send me to vm
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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