sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
