I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
