as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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