i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
