My friends, they love my intelligence
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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