Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
