Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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