That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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