Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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