Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
