hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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