i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
