Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
