she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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