You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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