I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
