he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
