I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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