her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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