At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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