Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
