I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize