I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
