Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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