I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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