Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
