Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
