All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
