They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can I color on your dick again?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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