Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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