I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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