i just had sex bonerless
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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