Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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