now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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