I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
