i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
