I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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