Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
