I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize