I must be too annoying 4 u.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
