Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
