he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
