So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
