dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
