Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
