i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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