Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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