I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
