i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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