so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You pole danced in your parka.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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