He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
