I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize