you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
