i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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