I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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