I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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