There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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