wanna go halves on a baby?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
