i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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Naked Twister starts at high noon
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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