Don't make out with my wife yet
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
