Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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